You Need to Stop Trying to be Perfect

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without." -Voltaire

Perfection is enticing. Of course it is, who doesn't want perfect? The idea we have of perfection is the shimmering state of everything being just as it is meant to be. However, stare too long at it and it will blind you to the present and stunt your growth. 

That's because  when all we strive for is perfection we miss opportunities to grow through making mistakes. We get tunnel vision and don't want to stop until everything is as it should be. Just a couple more months of overtime, a few more business trips and meetings, a couple more trips to the gym and THEN you'll be happy...do you see it?

When my kids were in their earlier years of schooling I'd visit for parent teacher nights. I always loved looking in on the classrooms where my kids spent their time. One thing I remember noticing was one of those scholastic posters that hung in the English teachers room. It read,

"Shoot for the moon, and if you miss at least you will be amongst the stars."

No idea who said it, and honestly that very same poster is probably in every school in the country-but do you see the parallel?

We miss out on too much of life when we are only focused on attaining perfection. We think that once we have that dream job, dream home, dream weight, or any other version of a "perfect life" that we will finally be happy. When we pursue perfection we are rarely met with the promises we hoped it would fulfill. And as we reach for it with all of our might there are often times better and realer things we could be holding onto instead.

We're missing the stars when we wallow in the fact that we didn't reach the moon on the first try. 

Think of all the inventions that had to fail before we had the lightbulb. How many times every one of our hero's failed before becoming our heroes. How many bad ideas came before that one that changed everything for someone else. When we make mistakes we are in the company of all of human history.

We romanticize perfection when we should be reveling in the lessons that come with chasing dreams. I've talked about the idea of seeing your mistakes as opportunities in other blogs and I'll say it again because it's true. Your mistakes do not define you, all of the ways you missed the mark do not make you less worthy of a joy filled life, the truth is you are bound to mess up so you may as well make it mean something. 

Does it sound pessimistic for me to say that you'll never be perfect? If anything the thought should free you. No one else is perfect, so why do you have to be? Why do you have to sit back and plan the perfect next step or wait for that perfect moment to leap into action? Why are you ignoring a truth that could actually free you?

Winston Churchill said it best, "Perfection is the enemy of progress."

Don't let the fear of imperfections freeze you in your pursuit forward. Embrace that it is inevitable and prepare your mind to view mistakes as opportunities. Ask questions, talk it through with someone, whatever you have to do to maintain joy in the pursuit of the life you want.

You won't ever be perfect, but you can always be growing. 

Lead Well,

by Millicent

3 Advantages of Being an Optimist

One of the simplest truths of all time is simply this, life is not going to always be easy. These last couple of years it feels like everyone has been hit with things that have brought them down in one way or the other. A study done in 2021 by Statista found that 86% of Americans agree that the world has felt scarier in the last two years. And it's natural to feel that way especially because-as we discussed in last weeks blog-90% of all news media we see is negative.

Yet, regardless of all of this, the majority of Americans are still found to be optimists about the future. It's a cornerstone of the American spirit to believe that there is always something greater on the horizon if you put your head down and keep pushing. It's essentially what our country was founded upon.

Optimist (noun): A person who tends to be hopeful and confident about the future or the success of something.

Optimism is often times portrayed as rose colored glasses or even ignorance, but what if I told you that optimism takes immense strength and yields a better life? What if the positive thinkers are on to something? What if the way you think has a powerful impact on the life you live?

What would happen if you decided to choose to see the good in things? 

Here are 3 Benefits to Being a Positive Thinker that I hope will convince you to give it a try.

Resilience

Since the optimist believes that things will inevitably get better they are better equipped to manage tougher situations and seasons. Optimists know there is a light at the end of the tunnel even if they can't see it yet, this keeps them moving during challenges rather than paralyzing themselves with hopelessness. It's a lot easier to breathe through pain when you know there is an end to it-the same thing goes for difficult situations. When we believe that the best is yet to come the current circumstances that cause us pain are infiltrated with a hope that allows us to persevere.

Powerful Influence

Anyone can make an impact on another person, the question is what kind of an impact you'll make. The optimist leaves a powerful trail of positivity behind them as they go. An optimistic leader instills passion in their teams and inspires new ideas and work flows. Positive thinking is contagious, so when an optimist walks into the room suddenly conversations and focus shifts to the potential solution and away from the problem. The optimistic leader doesn't just help the team to grow, they inspire them to thrive.

Focus

Often times when problems arise we want to lean in and pick it all apart, the problem with this is that it pulls focus away from potential and hones it in on mistakes. An optimist knows that there is a potential to grow as a result of mistakes. They are able to see the big picture rather than just pieces because positive thinking opens their minds instead of closing them. When you know there is a breakthrough on the horizon it's easier to focus on the task of continuing to move forward.

At the end of the day it isn't always easy to see the good, but it is always worth it. Pain and mistakes are inevitable, that's life, but if there's one thing I want you to take away from this blog it's that positivity does make an impact. It's up to you, how will you think? How will you see the world? Will you give up or pick it up and keep moving?

Whatever it is...

Lead Well,

by Millicent

The Impacts of Positive vs Negative Thinking

Did you know that when you go online you are 49% more likely to see something negative than you are to see something positive? Or that 90% of all news media is negative? This is in large part because of the sad truth that negative or sensationalized stories do better than positive ones.

Everyday we are fed the worst news in the world right into the palms of our hands.

Does all of this negativity have an effect on you?

What about the stress of your everyday life?

The way we view the world around us is often times impacted by the things we see and experience. There is good news though, the way we think can also impact the way we see the world.

So then, what kind of a thinker are you?

Pessimist (noun):a person who tends to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen.

Do you see the negative and still choose to believe in the positive in your own life? Or do you let the negativity of the world around you turn you into a pessimist?

The truth of the matter is that negative thinking is a dead end thought process with long term consequences. In your career, negative thinking will strain your relationships, cloud your judgement, and stunt your upward movement and growth. And for your health, it can be even worse.

A study done by researchers at Kings College London found a link between prolonged negative thinking and the development of Alzheimers. This link to the disease is credited to the way that negative thinking diminishes your brains ability to think, reason, and even form memories. This concept doesn't only go for negative thinking, but cynical thinking as well.

A positive outlook, on the other hand, is an advantage in an overly negative world. 

To think positively as a leader is to make your mark as a true difference maker. To think positively as a parent is to set an example for your children to believe that they can make a difference too. And there are benefits to thinking this way for your health too.

Those who think positively have been found to not only live longer, but live better lives as well. Positive thinkers experience lower levels of stress and depression and even a strengthened immune system.

In next weeks blog we will dive deeper into what it means to be a positive thinker but for now I want you to think on the effects of positive verses negative thinking and ask yourself where you fall. The age old question, a glass is placed before you, the water line reaches the middle of it....is it half full or half empty? And are you allowing the way you see the glass to influence the way you're living?

If it is, one of the best things about life is that it's never too late to change the way you think.

For now though...

Lead well,

by Millicent

3 Red Flags Employers Are Looking For

On average there are about 118 people applying for the same job you are. That's a lot of resumes, cover letters, and emails-but of those 118 original applicants, only about 17 candidates will be invited in for an interview. Those interviews are your best shot at standing out and making an impression...you just have to make sure you're making the right impression. 

In previous blogs I've talked a lot about different qualities that set candidates apart in a good way but I wanted to take a moment to highlight three things that can work against you in these pivotal meetings.

Based on what I've learned traveling around and meeting other leaders and CEO's, here are three red flags that employers are keeping an eye out for during interviews:

1. Rambling

It's been theorized that people talk more when they're nervous as a way to compensate for any anxiety that silence can bring in a stressful situation. Your interview is no time to be overcome with anxiety, if you have gotten that far it's for a reason. There is an old adage from the Greek philosopher Epictetus that goes "We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak" and it's a good reminder to not bury your competence in airy words. When you're asked a question take a moment to think before you speak, I promise that moment you take will be appreciated far more than a quick jump and lengthy response. Listen, think, then speak. 

2. Arrogance

There is often times a finer line between confidence and arrogance than people realize. While applying for a job against countless other applicants there is a balance to be found between making it clear that you can perform well at this position and practicing humility. Nobody wants to hire someone who thinks they have it all figured out. You're entering their world, not the other way around. Don't leave them thinking you're unwilling to learn new things or work in new ways. You can be confident while still being humble, that's the sweet spot. 

3. Lack of People Skills

You are being interviewed for the possibility of joining a company on whatever its mission is. If you are not someone who works well with others, why would someone want to bring you in to their circle?! You're applying for a position that is likely on a team-and no one wants to hire a person who clearly isn't a team player. When it comes to a list of applicants, the best way to end up on the cutting room floor is to blow it interpersonally. Don't let your skill and qualifications get clouded by rudeness or even indifference. Greet everyone you meet with warmth and speak to everyone with the same respect you'll speak to the interviewer with. Remember, people talk and people notice, make sure they notice the best parts of your personality. 

As simple as it sounds, no one wants to hire a jerk. The way you carry yourself and communicate with others speaks volumes more than your resume does. These aren't the only three red flags that employers look for, but they're the ones you need to consider if you want to take your best shot at a position.

Lead Well,

by Millicent

3 Qualities That Make a Highly Successful CEO

Let's face it, when most people think of a CEO what comes to mind typically looks the same for everyone. A charismatic, six foot tall, man in his mid fifties peering down on a large city from his corner office suite, right? It's what we see in the media, it's what has been "known" so to speak since as long as we can remember when it comes to business. There is an energy to a position like CEO that many think makes an individual "powerful".

But is that caricature of a successful and confident man really the person best suited to lead corporations?

A study done by Harvard Business Review revealed there to be a "pervasive dissonance between who boards think will make a great CEO and who actually will do well in the test of time." The qualities that make someone a high performing CEO are not always the ones that can be registered with a handshake.

For example, when a candidate is highly confident they are often times more than twice as likely to be hired for the position yet this high level of confidence rarely correlates with an effective CEO. 

Let's focus a little less on the qualities that make someone a good candidate for CEO and instead look at the attributes that will lend themselves to excelling in their performance. Maybe you're a CEO today, maybe you've set your sights on the position in your long term goals, or maybe you want to step up your leadership wherever you stand.

Regardless of your perspective, here are 3 qualities that make a highly effective CEO:

1. Deciding with Speed and Conviction

The CEO is the person every head will turn towards when a choice needs to be made. An effective CEO has to be comfortable with the pressure and capable of swiftly making a decision to keep things running. They don't just make the choice, they lead the charge in the direction of their decision. They lead their teams through the uncertainty with a sense of conviction and purpose. It isn't about always making the "right" decision, it's about the ability your team has to rely on you in the midst of uncertainty.

2. Adapting Proactively

The word "adapt" means to "become adjusted to new conditions" a CEO needs to be a proactive adapter so that they can work with the flow of change rather than drown in it. CEO's need to be fluid enough to shift their paths but resolute enough to still forge ahead towards their destination or goal. Being good at adapting during crazy times is an invaluable asset as a leader. The highly successful CEO knows that even if they make a wrong move and a setback occurs, those setbacks are not failures but rather opportunities to grow. 

3. Consistent Reliability

In the high risk world of being a CEO reliability is priceless in the eyes of a board. While random spurts of success and records may seem enticing to a board-often times that very same quality lends itself to instability. Steady growth is far more valuable than unpredictable spikes.

The interesting thing about these three qualities that have been proven to make a CEO highly effective is that all of these are attributes that can be learned and improved upon. These are not naturally born abilities that some have and some don't, these are attainable for any leader at any level.

Do you see any of these qualities in your leadership style?

Now is always a great time to start improving. 

Lead Well,

by Millicent

Finding Balance in Your Life

What if I told you that balanced living and fulfillment go hand in hand?

In Last weeks blog we discussed the importance of having a balanced life and examined the significance that balance has on leadership. And while defining a balanced life was fairly straightforward, I wanted to examine what that looks like in practice.

Balance is found when we are able to give our time and energy in even portions to the various aspects of our lives. 

It means finding that sweet spot between your work, family, health, and emotional well-being. And it's different for everyone. Balance for you will look very different from what balance looks like for me and so on and so forth.

So how do we work towards balance?

Examine Your Life:

If you want to start to work towards finding balance you first need to take stock of the different areas of your life. What do your days look like? What parts of your life do you value? How is your time currently being spent? Do you notice one area that is getting more attention than others?

Pinpoint Your Priorities:

Once you've taken a look at the current state of your day to day life, it's time to figure out the things that matter most to you. What things in your life matter most to you? What do you want to focus on more? What do you want to center your life around? What do you need to spend more time doing? What do you need to spend less time doing? Figure out what it is that you need to focus on and once you have, step back and analyze whether those things combined will add up to a balanced life. Will the things you've chosen to focus on allow you to be a well rounded person? Do these priorities cater to your overall wellness or do they lean in one direction a little too strongly?

Add/Subtract Activities:

Now that you've pinpointed what matters most to you, take stock of the activities that take up your days and ask yourself whether or not they lend themselves to the things you've chosen to prioritize. You don't have to completely get rid of activities you genuinely enjoy, but if you find yourself spending an inordinate amount of time on one thing that isn't something you're passionate about-it may be time to take a step back. If you have areas of your life you've noticed are lacking find creative ways to incorporate activities that will help you to focus on those things into your routines. Maybe that means making an effort to take a walk everyday. Maybe it's reading more and watching television less. Maybe it's working harder during the day so that when you get home you can truly relax. Whatever it is, your life never has to stay the same if you don't want it to-do what you have to do in order to find that balance.

Get Comfortable Saying "No":

Sometimes we say yes to things because we don't want to appear as though we can't do something. Sometimes we say yes because we feel guilty if we don't. Part of pursuing balance means knowing when to say no to things that will throw your time off kilter. Obviously favors for friends and family are part of relationships, but you don't have to say yes to everything. When you create boundaries with your life and time you are able to be your best in the areas of your life that matter most to you. Saying no allows you to say yes to the things you've chosen to center your life around. 

Embrace That You Can't Do Everything:

As obvious as it sounds, it's important to remember as you pursue balance, that you can't do everything. No one can. We all have limitations, what's important is the intention you hold and the actions you take towards those intentions that matter. You're never going to be perfect, and the sooner you embrace that, the better off you'll be.

Live With Purpose:

At the end of the day when you know your purpose and passions you are better equipped to pursue balance because you know what it is you're living for. When you know your purpose and pursue it you are able to naturally maintain balance because you know what it is you're chasing in this life. Have you discovered your purpose yet?

When all is said and done, this life is yours to live. There is a lot we don't have a say in, but what we choose to center our lives around is something no one else can decide for us. If you are struggling to find balance, know that you aren't alone and that everyday is a new opportunity to find it. 

As you pursue balance and find it your life will start to notice your relationships improving, your productivity increasing, your mental health improving, and even your physical health mend itself. There are long term benefits to finding balance, you just need to make it an intention to find it. 

Lead Well,

by Millicent

A Balanced Life Makes a Better Leader

"Always keep in mind the paramount importance of living a balanced life, with emphasis on nurturing strong family ties while still doing the things that you find rewarding for reasons other than mere monetary income"

-Derric Yuh Ndim

In this life you will be pulled in a million different directions and enticed by an endless array of aspirations. The good and bad news in all of this is that you get to decide what you chase and how you spend this precious time that you have here on this earth.

Why is that a bad thing sometimes?

Because balance then is our responsibility and is often lost when we don't make a point of finding it in the midst of our day to day lives. 

So then, what is a balanced life?

Lets start with balance:

Balance(noun): A condition in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions.

Balance(verb): To keep or put something in a steady position so that it does not fall.

Keeping these definitions in mind, what does it mean to live a balanced life?

A balanced life is one where our time, energy, and intentions are evenly dispersed amongst every aspect of our lives. Between family, work, dreams, time alone, hobbies, and community, there's a lot of things in this life vying for our attention. When we understand how to keep these various elements in their correct proportions we are working towards balance.

Balance is an art form we must practice. If we neglect to balance our lives properly we will start to see various elements of our lives slip through the cracks.

Have you ever dove head first into a career only to resurface months later and realize you haven't had a chance to take care of your mental health leaving you burnt out? Or have you ever gotten into a new relationship and suddenly neglected your other friendships and responsibilities?

We can't give all of our attention to just one thing in life and expect to not lose balance in doing so. 

As leaders we must find balance between our personal and professional lives if we want to have a career and lifestyle that is maintainable over time. Something important to keep in mind as well is that balance for me will look different than balance looks for you. We all have different lives, responsibilities, and passions, so what works for one person in regards to balance won't necessarily work for you.

The common thread in all of this is however, is that if we want to have balanced lives we have to be intentional with our time and energy.

We must recognize the significance of this singular life we've been given and find a way to be fulfilled in every aspect of it. We must identify the things that matter to us and make it our intention to hold them all evenly in our hands.

That means occasionally making sacrifices to keep what's important on an even playing field. That looks like working hard during work hours so that you can spend your time off fully present with your kids. It means a couple less drinks on Margarita Monday so that you can wake up with your kids before school and not feel sick. It means a million different things for 7 billion different people-but the key is to find that balance. To dwell in a place of fullness that allows you to be fulfilled in the areas of life that matter most to you.

It means having an awareness and gratitude for the grand scope of this life.

And on the days when we do let things slip through the cracks, we have to be willing to take a deep breath, pause, and regroup.

A balanced leader is a well rounded one. 

I hope you find that sweet spot in your day to day life.

Next week we will take a deeper dive into what a balanced life looks like and look at the long term benefits of seeking balance. But for now...

Lead Well,

by Millicent

Are You in a Growth Mindset?

In recent years the phrase "Growth Mindset" has become a buzz word among large companies and organizations. You can find it in mission statements, job postings, and company memos-but what exactly is a growth mindset?

Someone who is in a growth mindset believes that the abilities they currently possess can be improved upon and developed through dedication and hard work.

Often times there are people or companies who believe (either consciously or unconsciously) that their natural gifts or talents exclude them from the need to continue growing and learning.

This is what is known as a fixed mindset in that the belief is held that talent and other abilities are innate and unchangeable.

So then, what's the problem with that?

When we allow ourselves to believe that our natural talent will carry us as far as we want to go we are robbing ourselves of the opportunity that humility brings us to grow and learn. A fixed mindset isn't always rooted in pride however, it can also come from a place of insecurity and hopelessness. If you are living in a fixed mindset and something does not come easily to you, you're at a higher risk of allowing discouragement to deter your efforts all together. 

Here are some examples of things that someone with a fixed mindset will think or say:

"I'm either good at it or I'm not."

"Someone else can probably do it better than I can anyways."

"I'd rather stick to what I know"

"I would rather be confident than challenged."

Do you see a common thread here? When we live in a fixed mindset we are actively limiting ourselves and our capabilities. Discouragement steps in and tells us that we may as well not try if it doesn't come easily to us. The problem is the belief here that talent is bestowed at birth and those not marked by it's attributes are cursed to never find it. How depressing is that?!

Something not coming easily to you doesn't mean that it's not yours for the taking-it just means you have to reach a little farther to grab it. A growth mindset sees nothing as out of reach with hard work and dedication.

Some examples of a growth mindset:

"Failure is an opportunity for me to grow."

"My effort and attitude determine my abilities."

"Feedback is constructive."

"The success of others inspires me to find it for myself."

Do you see the over arching theme here? A growth mindset is an optimistic outlook on the skills you are capable of attaining over time. People who are firmly planted in this way of thinking don't see a challenge and run away from it, they are are excited at the opportunity to grow through adversity. There is also passion for learning that comes with this way of thinking that will benefit you for your whole life both personally and professionally.

So then, I ask you, are you in a fixed or growth mindset?

As a leader, are you willing to continue to learn and grow and accept constructive criticism? 

As a team member, are you eager to tackle new tasks you typically wouldn't have been inclined towards?

As a student, are you willing to put your head down and tackle the subjects you were never good at? 

The good thing about your answers-should you find yourself to be stuck in a fixed mindset-is that your way of thinking is never a life sentence.

You don't have to stay where you are, isn't that exciting? 

So I challenge you this week to place yourself in a growth mindset and see what you're capable of when you allow yourself the opportunity to never stop learning and chasing after the things you want.

Lead Well,

by Millicent

What it Takes to Take a Risk

Maybe you've grown tired of the way your life looks now and are ready for a change. Maybe you've had a dream in the back of your mind you've been wanting to chase but haven't known where to start. Maybe you've played it safe for too long and want to see what's on the other side of that.

Regardless of where you stand right now, risk taking is part of the human experience, and if you want to see your life change you have to be comfortable with taking chances.

On average, people are more likely to take bigger risks when they are younger due to a lack of inhibitory cells in the brain. Your inhibitory cells are kind of what they sound like, they are there to balance out your risk taking mentality with reason and even hesitation. In your early twenties, as your brain is still developing, these brain cells are not as present as they are later on in life due to your brain still developing. This means that it's a bit easier mentally for you to take risks when you are young because the potential consequences don't weigh as heavy in your mind.

This doesn't mean you can't take risks later in life, if anything the information lends itself to the fact that later in life you are likely better prepared to take risks because you have a more balanced view on the matter.

No matter your age right now though, there are a couple of different factors to look into before taking a risk in your life in regards to your career.

First of all, what is a risk?

A risk is defined as something that exposes you to the likelihood of danger or uncertainty.

Taking a leap into a new job, starting your own business, asking for that raise, or even leaving a circumstance you've been in for a long time. Anything that takes you out of your comfort zone and holds an uncertain outcome is a risk.

So what do you need in order to prepare to take a risk?

There are ways that you can prepare yourself to enter into a risky situation with confidence. These things include:

Knowing your "Why"- If you are stepping into unknown waters, fear is bound to come up. The best way to prepare to meet fear is to understand why it is exactly that you are stepping out in the first place. While you can't be certain of the outcome of your risk, you can be certain of the reasons you have for taking the risk in the first place. Before you enter into a risky decision, set in stone what is you're doing this for. Are you doing it so that your kids can have a better life? Are you doing it so that you can start to live a life that you truly are excited about? Whatever your reasons are, know them well and hold on to them tight.

Embrace the Certainty of Fear- When you step out onto a ledge you know that fear will meet you there. Understanding your relationship with fear can help you to prepare for its arrival. How do you react when you're scared? There's the classic "fight, flight, or freeze" example that has been used for a long time to understand our knee jerk reactions to the emotion, but what is your reaction? Understanding how you behave under pressure and fear can help you to prepare for the inevitable discomfort that comes with taking a risk. Assess yourself, ask the people around you, and prepare for that emotion when it will come.

Study Your Prior Failures- If you are experiencing anxiety due to past failures you've faced it can actually be helpful to look back at those failures and assess what happened. Football teams watch film of not just the games they win, but the games they lose as well. Knowing what went wrong in the past can help you prepare for success in the future.

Get Excited About Change- Change isn't always welcome in our lives because it's typically uncomfortable. But when you understand your why for taking a risk you can get excited about the change that will come with taking it. Think hard about the parts of your life that will change and make peace with it with the knowledge that you're doing this for the right reasons. The uncertainty ahead will lead you to greater joy in the future, and that's something to be excited about!

Calculate the Risk- Understand what it is that you have to lose in taking your risk and prepare for that possibility in whatever way you need to. Maybe it means tightening your belt and saving a little more money. Understand what it is you're about to do so that when challenges arise, you aren't caught off guard by them but are rather encouraged by your prior thinking to keep moving ahead. Preparation is the best defense against against inevitable trials in risk taking.

At the end of the day, the only thing standing between you and the risk that could change your life is the limitations you've put on yourself. If you want to see your life change you have the ability to make it happen.

So then, what do you want to see happen in your life, and what are you willing to do to see it through?

Lead well,

by Millicent