Odds are that at some point in your life you have been the recipient of displaced anger.

Displacement is a psychological defense mechanism in which a person redirects a negative emotion from it’s original source to a less threatening recipient.

One of the most commonly displaced emotions, and the one we’re going to talk about today, is anger.

In other words, we can’t always express our anger and frustration to the person who is causing it, so instead, we take it home with us and let it come out at the people we love most because well…they’re there. You can’t lash back at your boss without jeopardizing your career-but your spouse? They aren’t going anywhere, right?

It is estimated that 7.8% of American adults have poor anger control.

Everyday when you go to work you perform well because you want to be the best you can be in your career path. And inevitably, the bad day’s come. Deals fall through, higher ups get mad, and employees let you down-but you keep your composure, because the office is no place for a meltdown. 

Then, at the end of the day, you go home and carry that repressed anger with you right through the front door. All it takes is one thing going wrong and suddenly your home is a war zone with you leading the charge. And look, we’re human,  bad days will happen. But if we allow our anger from work to come home with us, the relationships that matter the most will suffer. It won’t happen all at once, but if you make a habit of displacing your anger it will slowly wear away on those who love you most.

So I ask you this, do you want to be the one bringing negativity and fear into your home and family?

Are you willing to let the events of your workday dictate the time you have with those who matter the most?

No.

And I’m going to tell you how to stop it.

There is nothing wrong with being angry or stressed about the things that can come about in life. Emotions are actually important to feel in order to maintain a healthy mental state. But if we allow them to dictate our lives, they become less of a tool for understanding ourselves and more of a hindrance.

Here’s what I want you to try

After a bad day at work, on your drive home, find a place that you can pull over and take a pause in. Set a timer on your phone for just five minutes and turn off your notifications. Take that time to feel the anger you felt throughout the day, look it in the eyes, and allow those emotions to come to the surface. There isn’t a right or wrong way to feel after a bad day, but it’s important to recognize that your family doesn’t deserve the ramifications of your bad day. 

Lay your head back and breath. Put on a favorite song and remember to be grateful for the home and people waiting for you at the end of each day. 

Try coming up with a short mantra to say to yourself before resuming your drive home, it can look something like this….

Today was bad but it doesn’t mean my night has to be. 

Today I’m angry, but not at them.

I’m going home to the people I love most and want to give them the best of me. 

And then go home. Walk in the door having made the choice to spare your family from the stress of your day and regain your strength through quality time spent with them. 

As a leader, you set the tone for not just your workplace, but your home. Which one are you giving the most care to?

You can make the choice today to give the best of you to your family. 

I hope you do.

Lead Well,