In recent years the term “Emotional Intelligence” has begun steadily finding it’s way into mainstream conversations. Employers look for it, relationships need it, and your life is better when you make it a priority.
But what is Emotional Intelligence exactly?
Emotional Intelligence is the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict.
Emotional intelligence is a pillar of impactful leadership. Those who choose to understand their own emotions as well as others are better equipped to lead a team through tough times without wavering in their confidence and mission. Since they have a firm grasp on what they feel and the kinds of things that affect their team they know how to communicate through crisis effectively.
Have you ever had a boss blow up on you after a mistake or been yelled at in the midst of crisis?
Did it help the situation or make it worse? I’ll take a wild guess and say that no, it probably made things worse.
As leaders, if we can’t control our own emotions they will quickly begin to control us. Let me be clear, this doesn’t mean to suppress how you feel, but rather to hold those emotions under a microscope and use them as a lesson. A team led by fear will never produce what a team led by joy will.
And the truth is that you don’t know what’s going on in the lives of others that could be effecting their job performance. Emotional intelligence allows us to see the bigger picture rather than focus on what we are seeing at face value. It keeps us away from the “results” mindset that often leads to employee burnout.
What does emotional intelligence look like?
Daniel Goleman is the American Psychologist that helped to bring emotional intelligence into the mainstream. According to him, there are five key components to emotional intelligence:
- Self Awareness
- Self-Regulation
- Motivation
- Empathy
- Social Skills
I find it interesting that all five of these skills are centered around the idea of simply being present and aware of the people and circumstances that surround each interaction you have.
Self awareness is the ability to understand the way you are coming across to those around you. It’s having an understanding of the way you feel and why you feel a certain way to begin with. It’s how well you truly know yourself.
Self regulation is in reference to ones own emotion based reactions. To self regulate is to bring yourself back down from an intensely negative reaction. It’s the way that you as an individual have found to manage heightened emotions in the moment. Those who self regulate are less likely to have blow ups on those around them.
Motivation is there to remind you to consistently check in with yourself and your team to ensure that the same goals are still at the center of the mission. Outside of the office, knowing who you are and who you want to be keeps you calibrated in your purpose.
Empathy is the ability you have to understand someone else’s feelings. It’s one of the most beautiful things about being human, sharing the experience with others. An empathetic leader is able to not just help a team grow-but thrive. Respect and loyalty must be earned, and empathy is a great place to start.
Social skills can mean a wide variety of things but typically boils down to whether or not you know how to interact in a group setting in an appropriate manner. This is an area that may not come as easily to everyone but can always be improved upon with support from others.
Some people are naturally emotionally intelligent while others may have to work a bit harder to break through the barriers that keep them from it. The important thing is that you do work on it. It’s a skill that can be learned and developed over time in the vast majority of individuals.
It’s a skill you have to work on if you truly want to be a powerful leader to the people around you.
Many scientists even believe that in many cases your Emotional Intelligence level is as important as your IQ when it comes to lifelong success. Everyone has their own set of strengths and weaknesses, but if you want to be a leader that others look up to, emotional intelligence is a must.
I hope you’ll take this as an opportunity to take an honest look at yourself.
Lead Well,
